Sunday, February 27, 2011

Local Family's Dogs Protest Treat Cuts

BREAKING NEWS!!!! I digress from my normal blog programming to bring you an update about a disturbing event currently taking place in my very home. It appears my dogs are forming a picket line in my kitchen!

After viewing countless hours of protests on CNN, 2 miniature schnauzers were inspired to peacefully gather in the kitchen and rally for their own cause.   They claim more dogs will run into the neighborhood if called and at least 1 dog has already threatened to play dead if she doesn't get her way.

"We've seen refusals to walk or fetch, and some less scrupulous dogs are doing their business in the yard. Since Monday, spontaneous rallies have popped up in every corner of kitchens across the state, denouncing owners extremist agendas.

"The dogs of Washington are crying out for democracy - democracy in the home, and democracy in the dog parks. Let's hope our owners have the wisdom to listen," Ruby growled.

Ruby and Molly are upset over their owner's proposed changes, which are part of a new household budget to decrease the amount and size of treats per day and also, limit the amount of savory beef gravy topping to only one meal, supposedly, dinner. Since this is a master dominated ownership, the dogs feel there is no room for negotiation and this must change.

The owner of the 2 miniature schnauzers defended the Lee household budget on Sunday, posting on Twitter. "This is all about balancing the budget."

The alpha male of the household put forth the bill in an effort to curb the family's budget shortfall; The Lee house is facing an immediate deficit of $137 million for the current fiscal year which ends July 1. Most of the money is currently going to dog treats and squeaky toys. However, the dogs bark that other areas of spending could be cut, like the weekly amount delegated for toilet paper since they don't use it. Not to mention the owner's over-inflated book allowance.

"We must take immediate action to ensure fiscal stability in our house," the owner said when he announced the budget today. "This budget will meet the immediate needs of our household and give me the tools to deal with this and future budget crises. Once the Washington 520 toll 'Good to Go' plan was announced I knew we'd have to take drastic measures and make the tough decisions."

If the treat crisis wasn't bad enough, it appears Molly's proposal for a new doggie basketball court will be put on hold for the time being and if things don't improve, will be tossed completely. "This is an outrage!" Molly grumbled.

The owner has already made concessions by giving free and fair access to the toy bin. Also, he has shoveled a path on the patio and cleared a patch of grass for potty breaks. This is to prevent cold, wet paws during the snowy days. However, it appears the dogs are not taking advantage (note paw tracks in snow) of the cleared area.

When asked what the dogs plan to do, Ruby said, "If we are forced, we will ask to go in and out more often in order to increase our treat intake." Apparently, the dogs are rewarded with treats after potty breaks but sometimes they are expected to perform, by sitting, staying, shaking and dancing. Both Ruby and Molly expressed their humiliation at performing such tasks and believe they are entitled to treats whenever they want one.

"I think the treat bin should be lowered and placed on the floor, maybe it could be some kind of dispenser that allows us to snack whenever we want," Molly suggested.

The owner noted that this is unlikely to happen.

Lastly, when questioned about allowing the dogs to watch CNN news all week the owner commented, "Perhaps, I should have changed the channel.  If I had, maybe none of this would have happened.  I just want the mat in front of my kitchen sink back."

I don't know about you, but I needed some comic relief this week :)

* This is meant to be humorous.  If you are offended, I deeply apologize for your lack of humor.  Perhaps, you should seek therapy or immediate medical attention.

1 comment:

  1. This is so ultimately tedious you have served the purpose of a sleeping pill. A friend told me to read you so he could go to sleep you don't sleep with anyone do you.


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