Monday, September 20, 2010

Job Hunting Tips

Oh yes, the economy...Right then, I suppose I should write some tips to help those seeking jobs. I can't take credit for these fantastic job hunting tips, but I thought I'd pass them along. If you're updating your resume or going on a interview you might want to take these helpful tidbits into consideration. Good luck and get off the dole!


If "Notable Achievements" section of your résumé is lacking, consider listing longest rat-tail you've ever grown.

Make sure résumé is free of spelling errors, grease stains, blood splatters, and bits of hair and gristle.

When job app asks "Reason You Left Previous Job," make it clear your were not at fault. Write, "Boss was total Nazi."

Make sure to brush teeth and practice a handshake that doesn't involve a fist bump.

Skills section should not include past notable bowel movements.

Drunk too much prior to the interview? Politely vomit down your jacket sleeve and hold your arm vertically until the end.

If you are a cannibal, rapist or Scientologist, best keep it to yourself or at least until you have your foot in the door.

In "References," simply write "Wikipedia."

Turning up to a job interview naked does not make you look like you have nothing to hide. It makes you look crazy.

Interview tip: refuse to answer questions and go on a tangent about how awesome you are. Make sure to follow up with a call.

Asking "Do you have a salve for this?" in Spanish is not the best example of your bilingual conversation skills.

* Not to be taken too seriously

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Blunder Book Burn Giveaway

Contest Closed.

Congrats to Malika for winning.  Her number, lucky #5 was picked by!

To celebrate the wonderful world of typos, I've decided to host an autographed proof copy of Dandelions in the Garden giveaway.  Part of the publishing process is receiving proof copies for approval.  My shelf is filling up with rejected copies due to typos, formatting and page numbering mishaps.  I thought about stoking my fire pit and setting these blunders aflame, but that would go against my belief that a book, no matter how flawed, should be burned.

Recently, I added an author's note to Dandelions in the Garden and corrected some errors in the text.  Of course, I'm sure some got missed...story of my writing life!  Anyhow, a proof arrived and to my frustration, page numbers were included on the title and copyright page.  I know, the horror, the horror!  However, this has to be fixed, leaving me again with yet another proof to add to my shelf.  But, it seems like such a waste!  It's up to you to rescue this book from going up in flames!

My Blunder Book Burn Giveaway:  A one of a kind proof print copy of Dandelions in the Garden, signed and shipped for free.

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